Breathe (Online Reflection #6)

Overwhelming.

If I could sum up my student teaching experience with one word that would be it. At times I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even take a breath. Other times were like a breeze, and I wish I had been able to fully appreciate and reside in the moment.

Sometimes I lay awake in bed hours past when I should have been sleeping. My brain has a hard time shutting itself off, and I’ve had a lot to think about this past year. There were times I found myself crying, and I didn’t know why. There were other times where all I could focus on was my excitement for the future.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I would want to tell myself if I was to start this journey again, and I hope that any future teaching intern that reads this can benefit from this list to my past self as well.

1.     Breathe

Sometimes there will be so much to do that you feel like you can’t breathe. You can do it. I promise. You need to remember to slow down, breathe in and out, and give yourself a break. No one benefits from you running yourself into the ground; you’ll put yourself and your students at a disadvantage. Sometimes all you need to do is go a little slower, and you’ll get it all done. You’ll finish that lesson plan; you’ll grade those papers; you’ll be an effective teacher. Just breathe.

2.     Schedule your time wisely

You know yourself. You’re a procrastinator. No matter how many times you tell yourself that you’ve changed, you’re only kidding yourself. It’s in your best interest to make a schedule and stick to it. Oh, you’ll tell yourself you’ll finish the KPTP before the due date, probably even during Spring Break. That doesn’t happen. You finish but not until the day it’s due. I don’t recommend this course of action. Work on it as you go. Finish Part 1 during Christmas Break. Type your reflection notes each night of your KPTP unit. Help yourself out here.

3.     Embrace the ambiguity

I wrote a blog post at the very beginning of my student teaching experience and mentioned wanting to become more comfortable with ambiguity. I can’t say I totally succeeded, but I also don’t think I totally failed. Sometimes a student asks you something and you have no idea how to respond. Other times a lesson doesn’t go how you want and you’ll need to change it for the coming hours. Even other times you’ll have to give a lesson on the fly because your mentor teacher is sick and now all of a sudden you’re in charge of all the classes, even the IB class you don’t know a lot about. Embracing the ambiguous nature of teaching will only make you more prepared for the future. Learning to become adaptable has made me a better teacher, but I know I still have a long way to go. But starting in August and embracing that ambiguity from the get go will only help you succeed.

4.     Don’t be afraid to ask questions

Your mentor teacher is there for you. Dr. Cramer is there for you. I know sometimes it feels like if you can’t do something without help then you are lesser for some reason. This is not the case. Everyone needs help, even experienced teachers. It’s better to clarify your confusion than go into a situation blind and fumbling. Try to stop thinking about how others perceive you and trust in your abilities, even if your abilities are limited (as they should be! You’re only a pre-service teacher and you’re learning still. That’s fine!).

5.     It’s okay to make mistakes

I hate feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing. You’re going to have to get over that. As long as you take everything as a learning experience, then the mistake will be no big deal. You’ll become a better teacher because of it. Apologize if you have to or reflect on what needs to be changed. Don’t dwell on the mistake and move on. It will always get better.

6.     Believe in yourself

Finally, know that you can do it. At times it may feel like you can’t. Your KPTP will be due in less than a week and you feel so behind. Your observation is in the morning and you’re still up at 3 A.M. because it makes you so nervous. Power through, remember to breath, and tell yourself that you can do it. You have gone through an amazing program at Wichita State that has prepared you to become a teacher, you have observed in countless classrooms, including your yearlong internship. You have gone to a conference geared towards English teachers, and you have read an endless amount of blog posts and textbooks about best practices. You are capable. Remember that.

And breathe.

I think I was able to do a lot of effective things during my time as a student teacher. I learned how to plan effectively and was able to see firsthand what types of lessons students respond most positively to. I was able to see how much work goes into juggling all the things that comes with being a teacher, and I think I did a pretty good job of it. I know that I could have changed some things, like being more proactive about getting everything done that I needed to get done and trying to make lasting relationships with teachers that will benefit me in the future. Overall though and through all of my nerves, I feel ready and excited to start my journey as a teacher next year. I may not know where I’ll be teaching yet, but I know whoever takes a chance on me will get a passionate teacher willing to learn and who will always have her students’ best interests in mind.